Update/ The ups and downs of recovery
Feel the fear and do it anyway. I swear that is one of my therapists favorite mottos. What she forgot to mention is that feeling that fear is hard as hell and often leads to relapses. Recovery is full of ups and downs and right now I’m stuck in a down. I’ve been struggling for a few months now but a couple weeks ago I full out relapsed and honestly I’m scared to stop. I’m scared that if I stop restricting I’ll gain back all the weight I lost during my eating disorder. The idea of going back to over 300lbs scares me and the main reason I relapsed was because I got too close to that number. I hated myself at my high weight even more than i hated myself during the depth of my ED. I mean how much self hatred do you need to start purging regularly and starving yourself?? Anyway I’m getting off topic. I relapsed and that happens a lot in recovery. In the past year I’ve had probably 3-4 major relapsed but I’ve always got myself out o...